Angela Melkisethian

Setting The Kid's Table:
Raising The Three And Under 'Biz Kids'

For Lightfoot's Carrie Gustavson-Whitmer the birth of her daughter Hanna couldn't have come at a worse time-- the holiday season (a.k.a. Banquet Season). After giving birth on a Saturday, she went home that Monday, unpacked and coordinated a wedding event that had been in the planning stages for months. Babysitting arrangements did not have such an advantage. "My mother held Hanna on her lap while I worked," describes the co-owner of the popular Leesburg, Va. restaurant and catering business. Although the newborn didn't cry, "I would never do it that way again," says Gustavson-Whitmer whose baby wasn't planned, certainly not as well as one of her catering events. Having children is a challenge, as is owning a restaurant, and the two combined pose a mighty test of stamina and scheduling.

Maternity leave and office day-care centers are substituted with supportive extended families and a bassinet in the back office. Fortunately, balancing multiple duties on an average 12-hour workday is nothing new for restaurateurs, though customers rarely need to be burped and taken for walks. Still one wonders, "how do they do it?" Here we examine four case studies, successful in their chosen industry, and trying to incorporate this success into their child rearing. Much like the concept of a restaurant, the key elements of child raising are the same, but the results vary according to the management style and creative quirks of each family. Gladys Abi-najm of Lebanese Taverna is four months pregnant, married to Reagan Center Executive Chef Xavier DeShayes, a Frenchman, whom she met at St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital's Gourmet Gala. For the Lebanese-French couple, the imminent birth of their child is the punctuation mark at the end of their fairy tale love story.

"I had given up on men," says Abi-najm. "By the next year's event we got married, and this year we're having a baby." In honor of their courting stage, Abi-najm has a special name selected for the child if it is a son. "I want to name a boy Jude, but my husband doesn't go for it," she explains, "he thinks it's too much like the Beatles." At 36-years-old, Abi-najm has wanted children for quite awhile, but was lacking a suitable mate.

She says she purposely planned for the baby this way, and will take a leave of absence for four months after the baby is born. "We need to have that bonding time," she says. A large family used to juggling kids and the business will provide additional support after her four months or so of leave. "My brother has three kids, and has yet to hire a babysitter," she says, mentioning that her mother is very close by. She is also not wary of introducing children into the workplace, growing up in the business herself. "I started working when I was 13, my sister was two years old, dancing around the tables, there were no baby sitters. Thirty-three years later, we still know a lot of the same customers, and they've given us advice, seen us at every stage of our lives." Preparation for the baby's diet is even underway.

"Yesterday we bought a book on how to feed the baby naturally instead of buying the jar food," she says. "I'm sure we will use the jar food sometimes because we won't have enough time, but if you smell that and put it on your tongue, I don't know how you do that!" Some births are not as planned for, such as Gustavson-Whitmer's, but once the new member arrives the real scheduling feat begins. Lightfoot, like Lebanese Taverna, is a family-run business, with grandmother Suzie, mother Carrie, aunt Ingrid Gustavson (the chef and restaurant partner) and father Vince rotating the care-taking duties of the 2 1/2 month old. Once Ingrid even expedited on the line with Hanna on her shoulder! And that was New YearÕs Eve. Outside the kitchen, Hanna is occupied in the back office of the restaurant. "She has everything here, toys, a bassinet, videos, her baby Bach, baby Mozart," says Gustavson-Whitmer. Her grandmother takes her for walks in the Leesburg neighborhood, and non-related staff members do their share of holding and cooing.

Hanna, as the newest member of the Lightfoot family, is often sighted in the front of the house as well, where customers take pictures. "Customers don't seem to mind, we've had so many regulars and they enjoy seeing her and they notice the little changes." Gustavson-Whitmer is a proud mother who repeatedly refers to Hanna as "a good baby" and she is determined to care for her at the restaurant even as she approaches day care age. "We'll figure out a way, I don't want to shop her off for eight hours a day." Even with the extra help, Gustavson-Whitmer says she "hasn't slept a full night" and is aware of the contrast in schedule compared to a typical office job.

Wiedmaier's wife, cares for their son at home with help from her friends who are also stay-at-home moms. "Because of the type of chef I am, I'm here 75-80 hours a week," he says. "Then again, IÕm not here for lunch, so I'll be spending that time with my wife and son." Marcel, one of six Marcels in the family, makes an occasional appearance in the restaurant. "He pulls the tickets and yells 'order up papa,'" says Wiedmaier. He has even developed quite a daring palate for the age of three, favoring Marcel's house special, boudin blanc, a house specialty white sausage. "He can go into the walk-in and tell you 'that's turbot, that's a salmon,'" adds Wiedmaier. Though possessing a culinary wisdom beyond his age, Marcel spends most of his time at home or on outings with his parents away from the restaurant. Wiedmaier's parents recently moved from Europe to the nearby Watergate Apartments, so they are a viable and very willing child care option.

"Being a chef, people think it's glamorous, and while it can be, it's also a lot of pressure." Wiedmaier credits his staff for easing the strain. "I've got a great line of sous chefs, so I can leave the kitchen if I have to." With the assistance of immediate family members and the extended network of trusted staff members, bringing up these "biz kids" is difficult but can offer its own unique rewards. These kids can end up spending more time with their parents then those who are at day care while mom and dad work at the office. They can even complement the restaurant, as in the case of Lightfoot, where they become a noted personality in the dining room.

One couple, Todd and Ellen Gray of Equinox, have taken an even more direct approach to blending family life and their business. Born the same year, 1999, Harrison Henry Gray and Equinox are now half way into their third year.Ellen Gray delivered in the middle of a busy Saturday service and was back in the restaurant within a week, though not working a full shift. "I took him in with me and put him in his carrier on the bar or in his stroller," says Gray. "He must have slept through 350 lunch and dinner services!" Like Abi-najm plans on doing, Gray says she does more marketing and public relations at home now. Back in the front of the house, Equinox has been directly influenced by their new role as parents. "We have made many decisions in the restaurant based on being parents, she says, "from everything like having high chairs to kids cooking classes. We incorporate kids into the fine dining experience instead of kicking them out!" A $35 three course family supper on Sundays is another new kid-friendly addition to the Equinox repertoire.

"We want to invite the whole family in everything we do." Equinox is changed because of Harrison, and the reverse also holds true. A broad variety cultural and intellectual experiences are on the menu for this toddler. He is learning Spanish from a Nanny, as well as Hebrew two nights a week. He is taking nature classes at the National Zoo and eating only natural, unprocessed foods. "I am a naturalist and am raising him to be," says Gray. "We eat naturally, so he will understand where food comes from." So far his favorite food is braised tempeh. "He can also tell you that a farm is where food comes from Ð not from a box!" adds Gray. Based on our four experiments above, growing up with parents in the restaurant business is an out-of-the-box childhood. Exposure to a wider range of people, languages and tastes seems to be the overall result, even if such advantages are accompanied by late work nights, lack of privacy and dependence on outside help.

Then there is the pressure on the restaurateur's spawn to be in the business, though some parents have other plans for their children. "We want her to be a rock star," says Gustavson-Whitmer of Hanna. Robert Wiedmaier has a gut feeling about his taste-savvy son. "He tastes everything, and he'll go "papa this is too spicy." Regardless of the child's future occupation, Gray sums up all of those pre-college years. "If you are not an independent sort of personality, I don't suggest you marry a chef Ð or most of all have a baby with one! But if you are flexible, independent and patient, it's the most rewarding set of circumstances-- and the food isn't bad either."

Angela Melkisethian is a freelance writer in the Washington DC area.

 

 

Home/What's New/About FSM/Free Subscription/Advertising/Contact